He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
