so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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