just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
