she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
