i barfeds in our rink
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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