My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
