Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
