Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
