at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
third nipple confirmed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
