You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
