sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
