I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize