Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
