you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize