I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
