I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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