you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
