The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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