Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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