My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
