I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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