Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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