I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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