I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She bit a glass in half.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
