he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My cat gives me a boner
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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