I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
