You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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