I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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