mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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