So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
