1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
