And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
someone owes me an orgasm
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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