im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
