How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
