she woke up with a sticky ear
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
