I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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