i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
