yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
