The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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