good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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