what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
