Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
