Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
