I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
