I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
