I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
