i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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