Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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