I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
