somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
