I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
