I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
