I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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