Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
