this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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