i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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