His hands were made for my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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