moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
