She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
