I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she pinky promised me she was 18
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
