I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
