I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
