i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
