ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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