I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
