i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
