Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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