I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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